Pen

I tried to silence my pen
For the sake of a few scattered feelings
Or social etiquette

I tried to say that I couldn't find my own feelings
But they were there staring me in the face
As I continued
To look
At
My
Feet

For a thousands swirls of the same light
I wish that I would have found myself with yours

And now
I'm not sure if I want you
Or just want to stop feeling rejected

I can not say if I wounded you
With my indifference
That I faked

But I feel wounded
Down to the depths of my sutured heart
Wondering
Always
Wondering
Why

The timing always seems to be off
It's always off

And we could talk about anything
I loved your voice like I love the rain
A comforting sort of feeling

I wonder
Will we ever know what happened?

Or will we lie
For the sake of hiding our shame
Under layers of clothing