Monday, April 18, 2011

Cold Hands and Summer Days

I loved you long before I knew how...

That was my favorite shirt. I don't know why, but I've always looked good in yellow. It shone like the sun straight over us and all around us. Your eyes were the best part of my day speaking words to me much more sweet than anything that ever leaked from your forgetful mouth.

You were so much of heaven that I forgot to hate earth.
A peace in my chaotic mind.

When you looked at me... serenity met insanity and they bred beautiful babies who looked just like the space between our eyes.... stop. Take a breath.
Some call it fate, but I refer to it as creation.

Like waves meeting at the shore to kiss... our blue eyes. Blue eyes.

I might should have been a little more tactful when I told you never to wear that shirt again. I should have walked a little longer. It didn't really matter if there was a hole in my jeans, we should have kept walking.

My new flip flops were hurting my feet.

There it is...
I didn't want to tell you in the moment because I was embarrassed, but that's just how selfish I am.

I just wish you would have told me that you had a month to live. I promise that I would have kept walking. I promise.

I adored every rock you kicked.

It was the first time that I feared a good feeling and it felt like insanity pained like a goddess.

You always felt like a dream come true. A boy I stared at from across the room in middle school and barely dared to wish for.

You told me it was alright when I awkwardly walking in my body. You taught me to stop hating. You taught me to live before you died and I kept on mostly because I knew it was what you wanted. I wanted you to have my life, and I wanted your eternity. Ironically enough I got it on earth, but I never meant for it to be measured in months. I was thinking decades. I was thinking babies and foreign countries. I was thinking about us.

Your hand was cold, maybe it was a foreshadowing. It was the middle of the summer...

and your hand was deathly cold.

Monday, April 4, 2011


I will stand
Until the sparkle in your eye returns to the stars
Until life becomes so normal
That I'm waiting for the next you to roll around

The time doesn't last as long
The moments are only half as sweet
And denial is more difficult that it ever was before
But this is it

This is what I prayed for

Saturday, April 2, 2011

I'm Ready to tell the Story

Had I been born brilliant
I would have kept you guessing
Sometimes it is best to preserve the illusion
At all cost
Illusions have no skin

I found myself rolling through hills
Lacking the ecstasy
Tripping through the city
Searching for my LSD
I landed drunk on your door step
And stoned on your bed

But I'm in my right mind
My right mind

I've been legally down for years
And those were my prescription bottles
I swore
I swear

You're pathetic
And I am more so

Because I wanted you
Even if it was just for a minute
A terrible minute

I am best alone
I am best here
To compete with my mind
And never for your attention
Giving you the false illusion
That you could have ever been
... worth the fight
Worth the trouble

You were everyone else
When I thought about it
Outside of your persuasion
I was sad to find the truth
Hiding behind your smiles
That sadly
Very sad
The world is just as corrupt
As I knew it to be

I knew you
Long before dinners
And attempted dancing
I have known you
Always confused
Always searching for a new destiny

I've always wanted more