Monday, May 31, 2010


It's quite possible
That I just went crazy to the sound of this room
The lack of movement in the walls
And the slightly monotone voice inside my head
Constantly telling me what I'm doing wrong

Sunday, May 30, 2010

A Little Bit of a Good Thing

You were the good thing I was waiting for
The light at the end of my tunnel clouded by smoke and no names

The one I was waiting for
The wild card
Changing the game
One unexpected turn at a time

You lit me up
Bouncing from side to side in my brain
Telling me that things were not the way
I had come to expect them to be

Good things

That's what you were to me

Twist number 10000000

Three years later and you're no where to be found

But I still believe
In good things
Maybe that's all that you were meant to be

Learning experience number 1000000

A little bit of a good thing

Thursday, May 27, 2010


Art is the way we speak
The way we dress
The way we move

As if mountains crumble beneath us
And we awake fearless

As if all emotions are equally valid
And we tell our story
Beyond hushed screams
And soft tragedies

Where we can be contradictions
In gentle hands from the street
And raging shots from what should have been
A happy home

Where we find joy rising from our sadness
And depression among everything going
Too right

Where we are the same and so different
Finger prints from hands that seemingly
Look just alike

We are art
In our breath
In our voice
A creation

Friday, May 21, 2010

I Mourn

The foam falling from your mouth
Like your own self destruction took human form
And fell on a bed with one sheet
Shaking under your convulsing body

You may have been a friend to me
To many
If you were not so desperate to leave

So desperate to starve away your demons
To drown out that ex-boyfriend
With a bottle of vodka on the rocks of an empty pill bottle

Your shaking body under my hand
Made me wonder what earth has done to us
When did life suck you dry
And leave you trembling under my right hand
While my left frantically dialed 911

I mourn for your soul
I weep for the part of you
That will do it again

The part of you that is already dead


The closest tie I have to the past
Is my closet

Silly it may be
But that's how I remember all the years of me

I kept them because I still smell my home church
Sitting on the sleeves of my favorite dress

I smell the cigarette smoke on my mini skirts

I can smell the weed on my hoodies
And the sex on my jeans

My grandpa's cologne is still on the only half cashmere sweater I own

The tiny shirts
That I remember fitting me
Once upon a time

The shoes that I tripped up the stairs in
Right onto the feet of my first crush

The scarf that covered up my hickeys

The things I want to remember
And everything I wish I could forget
Sitting in the closet
Asking me when I'm going to walk away

When the cologne fades
Will I forget what it felt like
When my grandpa would hug me?

I fear forgetting
Like I fear losing myself in the arms of a lover
Or getting caught by death before my time

I never want to forget where I am from
All of the shoes, shirts, skirts, and sweaters
Telling a story
Only to me

Only to my memory

To all the things I used to be
All the places I have seen
The love given and lost

Maybe, it's time
To face an empty closet

Time to walk in a new pair of shoes

To put away the memories

Monday, May 17, 2010

A Second Chance

I walked away
With a slight bit of regret in my footsteps
Smashing the nevergoingtohappen do-overs
Between the souls of my shoes and the worn down cement

I took the pages written
Turned them into flames from my back window
And watched it burn
Took the evidence of life
And let it go

Told you to keep walking the other way
With my hand held out
Pushing against your chest
A friendly reminder
Of the distance between us
Keep walking

These streets claimed me when I wasn't looking
Took the best of me and blended it with the street signs
And subway stations
The graffiti
And the people dancing on the streets
Seemingly unaware they only they hear
The beats blairing for their headsets

Sometimes the memories flake away
Like mascara from my eyelashes
And polish from my toes
As my always exposed feet
Hit the sidewalk over
And over
Music to my ear

This smog is my friend
Speeding up my mortality
The way that cigarettes once did
But without that comforting feeling

Oh the buildings
I breathe them in
Each one a second chance
Half of which I took

Dispite the unwelcome words that were given
This list is perfect
Nothing that I can't reach
With a little ambition

Thursday, May 13, 2010

In love

They say that if it doesn't break your heart... it isn't love.
They're right

Broken hearts are not always losses, not always sudden or fast. Sometimes it's the side effect of loving a human being. A person in all of their imperfection. In all of the getting let down.

It's sticking around
That one day

We all lose
We all die

In love
There is always the knowledge
That one day the heart that has been breaking all along

Will be broken

In life and love
We are all together

We all know
The moment when it's unclear
Whether we can't breathe

Or we just don't want too

Saturday, May 8, 2010


We held hands at inconvenient times

I believe that we may have been slightly

There were several moments
In between the sweat that are hands were exchanging
Where I found myself wondering

Who I am replacing?
You held my hand more tightly than how you knew me
I wasn't born yesterday
Who am I playing today?
Who am I pretending to be?

But I guess it's alright
Because I was using you too
I wasn't ever planning on going anywhere

With you

But your hand was nice to hold for a minute
Just to remember what it felt like
And how little I enjoy it

They always try to tell me
Tell me
Telling me

Because being highly uninformed bystanders
Makes them the appropriate people
Tell me

Apparently I will feel different
When I find the one..
When the time is right...
I will feel differently

They say I will love that way
One day

But I'm not sure that I want to
I've never loved that way
And the whole...

I love your guts can't live without and don't want to live without you eat sleep drink and breathe you in... kind of love.

Doesn't strike a bell
I just have a creative sort of imagination

I can love a friend
Even a stranger

But soul mates?
I don't want you to know me

I guess I will just believe
That maybe they know best

Or maybe God isn't so black and white
Wrong or right

Mother but not a wife... ?

Grey is all too familiar