Friday, May 21, 2010

Closet

The closest tie I have to the past
Is my closet

Silly it may be
But that's how I remember all the years of me

I kept them because I still smell my home church
Sitting on the sleeves of my favorite dress

I smell the cigarette smoke on my mini skirts
...17

I can smell the weed on my hoodies
And the sex on my jeans

My grandpa's cologne is still on the only half cashmere sweater I own

The tiny shirts
That I remember fitting me
Once upon a time

The shoes that I tripped up the stairs in
Right onto the feet of my first crush

The scarf that covered up my hickeys

The things I want to remember
And everything I wish I could forget
Sitting in the closet
Asking me when I'm going to walk away

When the cologne fades
Will I forget what it felt like
When my grandpa would hug me?

I fear forgetting
Like I fear losing myself in the arms of a lover
Or getting caught by death before my time

I never want to forget where I am from
All of the shoes, shirts, skirts, and sweaters
Telling a story
Only to me

Only to my memory

To all the things I used to be
All the places I have seen
The love given and lost

Maybe, it's time
To face an empty closet

Time to walk in a new pair of shoes

To put away the memories

2 comments:

said...

this is absolutely beautiful! the way you wrote this is magnificent. i think it's my favorite one yet.

oh amanda said...

cate. you are so...internal. i love that you can remember and articulate what you're feeling and doing and being.

you know i'm not freaky, but when i read this one, this verse popped in my mind:

Philippians 3
I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!
Pressing toward the Goal I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

love you.