Friday, November 19, 2010


Beauty has risen from the ashes
And we have something to celebrate

What starts off as a tragedy
Doesn't have to end that way

The life of a phoenix
We rise from the ashes

What was once desolate
Is reborn

We take desperation and become fulfilled
The hope of salvation
Of something more precious than our own humanity
This is a life

To be living
With a story of grace
Of love

We are broken
Seemingly abandoned
In the illusion that we work for what we get
An innate sense of what should be
But isn't ... fair

In the place
Where the Lord gives and takes away

Our story
Is still our own
One of the only things that we can cling onto
And can never be taken

It doesn't have to be a tragedy
It can be

Monday, November 15, 2010

He Listened

In a perverse way
I felt understood

The first time that someone asked
"How was your day?"
And wanted more than one word

I breathed in his presence
And felt as if for the first time in my life
Someone just wanted to know
To be there
Caring about every word that spilled out of my mouth

It was a God thing
It had to be
After all the beating
God sent him to me
A band-aid
For a broken child
Midst a storm
Standing naked
Feeling the first signs of life
Creeping up behind me
It was a miracle
At least to me

I swore that he didn't mean to grab my hand
Was that not innocent
He didn't mean anything by it
My best friend

I promise
That's the last time that I'll turn around
After he grabbed my ass
He's still listening

He listens so sweetly
He's here for me
I know it
I know it
Let me believe

Needing to be mended

Trying to convince myself
That his wife knew about us
It was an innocent kind of thing

Like everything else in my life
Nothing comes for free
And after months of talking
He could have my body
If it meant that he would still listen to me

17 isn't that young
I'm swear that I'm old enough
Old enough to know the difference

40 isn't that old
It's not that old

Take me

Please take me

Lock me wherever you want me to be
And I won't fight anymore

Just love me
I'm begging
Can't you hear me

Do you hear me

Why aren't you listening?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Love is Deadly

I can not tell you
How long I believed that my love killed you
It's poisonous
That's what they've been telling me
And I believed

I didn't mean to love you
I just didn't know that when they spoke of poison
They meant the literally kind of death

And you breathed in my fumes
Living dangerously
Out of everything that you regret
I always prayed that at the end
You didn't regret me

Monday, November 8, 2010


I cycle rapidly
Four years of cycling
And I'm still going

Through you
Through me

And that one
He was just disappointing
Slightly convincing
And another reason to feed my hate

They don't have faces
The same dozen faces on different bodies
And humanity is funny like that
When it was sucked from me
It was pulled from everything I see

Or guilty by association
It's all the same to me

And if I pull your heart right out of your body
It's the same as pulling his and the same to me
A pleasure
A high
A sweet sense of controlling something

It's what we do in this life
Haven't you seen it?
Over and over again
A melody in my ears
Abuse me just before I abuse another and we can keep this going
I told you
I'm cycling
I'm cycling
It's a cycle
And it's never ending

My dad told me I was insane
Doing the same thing over and over
Expecting a different result
But I'm still playing
Still chin deep in the game
And I'm starting to see the irony

Take back that ring because you're not good enough for me
And my arrogance keeps breeding
Because I can't see
I can't see
I've been blind for years
And I walk around like a tornado destroying everything

I don't care who hurt me
I will burn every last one of you until I feel better
About... something
And then wish for more
I'm always wishing

A dreamer with no direction

I told you that I would come back around
And around

Everyone falls into the same category
"They're all the same"
I play the same game
Because I know the rules better than my name
And it's easy
Just like me

I told you
Shut your mouth
I'm not interested in talking to you
I'm interested in using you
And your hair matches my shoes so walk with me tonight

Friday, November 5, 2010

I'm Sleeping

In some ways
We all choose the life we want

I just want to know that He is near me
Called a crime
Or an uncertain reality
Faith if what I preach
But not always what I'm practicing

Deemed right the eyes of whomever
And the person who said that
Right after them

See, it's confusing
Slightly convoluted

And they said that we'd see him again in heaven
In heaven
Would you like to point out the direction.
Or are you better at drawing

See, I don't blame you
Any of you
Because I'd say it too

Right now I'm sleeping fine at night
So it must be working
It's working, right?

Was that not the point...
To make me feel a little better about this life
A little better about what I do
It's what I'm doing tonight

This is a slight collision
Your car and my bus are going different directions
On a way street
And I'm tipping... tipping...

Call my bluff right before my rambling
But I'm sleeping

So tell me again
That our God is forgiving
Right before you tell me that few will enter
Wherever that is
Eternity is just a few houses down
And one street over

And I knew a God
I knew Him
And He was merciful to me
I just want to know that He is near me

Near to me
Because I can't always sleep
As well as these half truths sedate me