Monday, July 28, 2008

How's Your Life?

Is life how you wanted it to be.
Does everyone bow at your knee
I know
I was a bump in your road
And when you think back about what went wrong
I just want you to feel that twinge of pain
To let you know the fear of things never going your way

And your life
What does it feel like to have to lie?
Does it hurt to know that you're alone all the time
And the people you thought would stick around for life
Where are they now?

At night
When you realize you don't like your life
I hope you know that we all choose are path
Sometimes we just can't admit what it right

And if one day the paper house you live in
Blow down
Find me and let me know
So I'll be able to see that things always turn out how they should in the end

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Live For

Sometimes I'm not so sure about this life
The only thing I know for sure
Is that it will eventually kill me
And the more I look the more evil I see
I wonder if it's possible to get things right
Or are we all doomed to fail?
And someone failed to mention it

I just need to see a miracle
I need to see something beautiful
Arise from this dark shadow
That falls over mortality
Like the shadow of death
As it creeps upon us
And the moment when no one speaks
Because we all feel it

I just need more to live for
And I need more to die for
I just need more
To believe in
To see a purpose in things that only I can see

And when I know where this breeze ends
I should follow
And see that there is a reason I know
And for some reason I see
It just never seems to save
But it takes my morsel of hope

Saturday, July 26, 2008


The wind was blowing my hair
The same way that it was blowing the tree tops to the ground
Tears began to flow down the side of my face
And for a moment I wished the wind would tunnel
And take me away

I used to love the way the sky turned green
Right before a tornado
I used to watch the lightening strike all around me
And wonder what else was out there for me

But I can't do it anymore
The wind blows traces of old days across my face
And the best memories are also the worst
And they all hurt equally

I've just been running for so long
But no matter where I go
There is always the same smell before the wind blows
And the lights dem the same exact way

As long as I'm on this earth I will never escape
What happened
I can't drive around this town anymore
I can't even look in the mirror
Because my body bears the scares
That I placed there to suffice
For my crimes

Have I always been this way?
Will I always hate the rain
The way that it washes over me
But never washes me clean

I just sit inside and listen to the wind
Wanting to be in the action
But I can't go alone
I just want to be at peace in the storm

Sunday, July 20, 2008


If the remnants of love left nothing else
They made me fearless

But if nothing else I'm left a skeptic

Of the lies that passion must convince people of
And so another must prove himself
Before I jump again

Do the pedals of the past always fall so hard?
And must they always find a home, with me?
Loving me more than they did before
Calling me back to something I knew before

But if life has taught me nothing else
I know that the plans I have made
Always fall short
And the things that seem greatest
Always leave me disappointed

So, make a plan better than the past
And lead me to where I could never take myself

Because love was never made to hurt like this


To just love me is not enough
I want you to burn with me
Some of us are born with this insatiable need
To burn with passion

And I don't want to break anymore of them
I just want to find a fire
That burns as bright as I can
So, together we burn

While the world gathers 'round
To warm their hands

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

God's Grace

I've been looking for you my entire life
Out of the corner of my left eye
While I prayed that I'd never find you
Maybe I wanted to believe that every mistake I made
Would only effect me

And believe me when I say
There was something in your eyes
That told me right away

That my life would forever be changed after that day
And trials will still come
The wind will still blow
But after everything I've learned to know
I don't want to walk the earth alone

So, take my hand
Ask me for our first last dance
Play my song
And tell me that you hoped for this all along

Heaven seems to be one of the many things I don't know
But you just taught me how to let go
And enjoy what little pieces of heaven God put on earth

Now I can't seem to remember
Why I wished I would never find you

But I know that you are a piece of God's grace
And in the same way you sought me

July 16

I feel like today is going to be a beautiful day, and new day for me to let all my worries go. I decided that this is all in God's hands now, because I keep screwing everything up.

Monday, July 14, 2008


I wrote this awhile back, but it's one of my favorite poems so I'm reposting it!

I wore that scandalous shirt
And I saw you look my way
I formed that familiar sly smile on my face
While I shook my hips and stepped away

And you thought I didn't know what I was doing
Why would I purposley...
Wear a short skirt and step straight into a breeze?
But then again... you don't really know me

And then... how was I supposed to know
That shirt was transparent
And... of course
Those black lacey undergarments were the only thing that was clean

So, don't let my blue eyes fool you
I'm not naive
And I know your thoughts all too well
So, I sit back and drink in the sweet taste of victory

That one last party
And you guy number 4 of the night
(shhh... it's a secret)
I knew that look in your eyes

So I took my body
And it took your self control over the edge
There was lust bleeding out of your eyes
And I was looking at everything from the outside

It was strange how you thought about me for weeks
And I conveniently forgot your name
And that same night that replays over in your dreams
Never meant a thing to me

So what happened to me when I reached that place
When all pride was stripped away
And power had been pulled from my hands

I just snapped
And what you took from me
I took from everyone else

And now they pay for your crimes
I didn't care about a single soul
And I would have used them all
If I could only take you for one last bad ride
And walk away while you were still stuck on that one last slide

So, all those boys
I chose for a reason
Because they were easy to seduce
And easily attached
... and intoxicated

And when they got upset I laughed
And when they couldn't let me go I laughed a little harder
Pathetic and weak
So I treated them the same way you treated me

So, this beat up body had one more purpose
To take the weakness of the earth
And destroy them with it

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Cry Mercy

A shadow waits for me in the dark
While I wait for life to invite me back in to grace
With more than a familiar scent
To keep me company while I wait in sin
Your sin or mine
Does it ever really make a difference?

An old rose grows beside me
Bleeding all down me
Where have I seen this before?

And the beauty in the secrets I keep
Has turned on me once more

This is life
I'm living the only one I have
And I have a strange feeling that before I entered the world
I was expecting so much more

Am I now discovering dark sides of myself
That were there from birth?
Did I invent this fear?
Or is there some evil in the world
That I never felt before.

The worst thing
Is that I know all I need is a breath to save me
But I'm waiting
With no reply

So, I sit by the rose
And let the familiarity cover me
While I cry mercy
Cry mercy

Monday, July 7, 2008


This is not a poem, so it looks a little strange on my blog. Oh Well! I just feel like rambling and this is my personal space where I can do so. Today, I was thinking and I realized how blessed I am. I'm happier with my life now than I've ever been in my entire life. I'm not happier because it's less stressful or everything is going my way. I'm happy because I know that God is always by my side, and his mercy is sufficient for me (and I do require a good deal of mercy). I have amazing friends who are always there to laugh with me or cry with me or punch me in the face when I do something stupid and try to dance around it.

I think I just get a little too caught up in things that aren't important. I mean school and a place to live and a job are all important, but while I'm spending all my time looking at myself I forget to look around and see how blessed I really am.

Wherever I am today is right where God put me, and I can feel the sun shining on my face.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Staying Here

Always slow motion
In an attempt to reverse all the notions
That I had
Before I knew
That I never really knew anything
And in my life
I'm constantly nailing myself to the wall
So, I don't run
And the feeling that some fear
I find comfort in

No one knowing me

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

My Waking Dream

The song replayed over and over
Like it was the melody of my body
As I continued to breathe
To the same tune of my heart beat
And thoughts fired more quickly than my mouth could speak
Which is why I was silent
With no more than words
Playing over and over
And to hear the same tune
Playing over and over
On the radio
Always caught me by surprise
Because it seemed like it was always mine
And I wanted the words to become my actions
To stay here
To lay here
While the clouds moved over us
Like the dew on the leaves as they wake from sleep
And the clouds would soon bring night
While we stayed there
Not moving
Just listening to the sound of our breathing
To know that we were alive
In a trance
And together
Which is all that ever really mattered

But now I want to drown out that melody
As bittersweet as it was to me
I can't stand to hear my dreams
Sang to a drum beat
With the world listening in
As if I could never keep a secret again
I still watch the clouds sometimes
I just don't speak of it
As if it were one of those moments
That is so intimate that it was not made for another's ears
Just me
Watching the clouds call the night
While I close my eyes
And feel you resting by my side

The moments where I live in my day dreams
And never want to arise from my waking sleep
It's just me
Drowning in a pool of dreams
That are so much more precious to me
Than anything else I've ever seen

And my father may call me obsessed
My mother may say that I've fallen on the wrong side of a swing
But these dreams are just for me
To live in a place where life was simple and sweet
And all I ever wanted
Was for you to forget the world
And lay with me