Saturday, November 28, 2015

I Forgot

She is pale
Has not seen light in so long, she burns easily

She thinks we are still in love with that boy from the 7th grade
I forgot to tell her he didn’t feel the same way
Kept it to myself 
Kept her safe

She was wrapped up in a corner
With the last of my beautiful things 

I forgot to warn her before you found me

To tell her that since we last met
That I finally found myself beautiful 
A few times
And it as much a curse as a blessing

The boy we thought we would meet
Never traveled the world with us
Or told us we were more beautiful 
Than all the statues and monuments 

But he still loves us

Even though he doesn’t know how
Couldn’t find her in the corner
Or his own
Buried under all he is sill afraid to dream

While she were gone 
I forgot to be gentle 
Lost my soft footing
And started kicking rocks

I told her that’s why she’s been gone so long
I’m clumsy
Didn’t know how to hold something beautiful
Without dropping it

I don’t know how to stop lying

That is who I became when she was hiding 

I did not tell her how many people searched for her
With broken pieces and empty words
I knew she was still naive
She would try to lean on them 
And when she fell
She’d get hurt 

I forgot to tell her I needed her
Forgot that she is strong 
Because she isn’t afraid to dream

I pulled my heart out of the last stack of beautiful things
Told her I’m lonely 
And she’s still so young
She believes she can fix things

Thursday, March 12, 2015

I Can't Remember

The ring felt heavy at first
Like a burden

Now I wish my finger could forget it's weight
Not feel so empty

I wish I could remember you
What I loved about your hands
The way you made me feel safe

I wish I wasn't so good at forgetting
And letting love go to waste

At not remembering

Still a Shadow

The distance makes the heart grow fonder

If this is you than I miss not knowing you
Or knowing a you that looks more like who you would have been
Had you not given on dreams
That will never look like a reality

Sometimes I still wish...

That you were still a shadow cast over the darkness in my life

"if" in my memoirs

A regret on my list

Monday, February 9, 2015


I took the most sacred parts of myself
And placed them inside of you

Burried my secrets in your open arms
And believed them to be kept safe in your tears

Forgot my heart was too fragile to place in another human's arms
That perfection was required to break it's fall

... and you
Were just human

Friday, February 6, 2015

Skipping Beats

My heart still skips a beat
All these years later...
My heart still knows that when you are around it is supposed to be dancing
... but it still skips a beat
Your name appears on my phone like a memory
Dragging me back to everything I dreamed we could be... night after night
All those years
While my heart was skipping beats
I called my dad two days after I met you and said,
"I found him. He's the one."
My heart was skipping beats
Ready to be the first one out on the floor dancing
Ready to rediscover the woman I was meant to be
Skipping beats
I taught my heart to dance to a count
To stay in line
To keep me living
The first time you touched your guitar to sing to me
My heart was ready to fear
Showing you how human I am
Skipping a beat
So, I let you in
Cracked open my chest
Said, "I've been using this skin as a distraction."
And let you watch my heart beat a little differently...
The first time you grabbed my hand and asked me to dance
My heart fell into yours
I stayed
Long after closing hours
After I realized that you had my heart
Without knowing how to hold it
That your fingers were spread too wide to catch all the pieces
To realize how fragile the glue was that held me together
To know that you were the only one
I ever let in that space
Ever took my distraction off for
Was within five minutes of arrest
And cracked my chest wide open
It was only you
Who made my heart skip a beat...

Wednesday, January 28, 2015


The sickest parts of me feed on you
Grow and stay ill
Bury the cough in your chest hoping to raddle your rib cage
... And break free

I wanted to believe that you were not the poison
But with everything else gone
You are still killing me
Slowly feeding my delravity
Throwing treats to my self hatred

I am going to save what is left of me