Saturday, March 10, 2012

I Still Can't Pronounce Your Last Name

The park sign glared back through water logged lenses

Blades of grass looked as familiar as family and old friends
Bending together making beds
Where once our fingers lay playing Twister
And your thumb ran back and forth across the top of my hand
Reminding me that you were still learning the bends of my body

The sun shown like warm blankets and happy ending
Whispering promises

Your hands were home
More like home than any four walls or skylines that fell familiar upon me
I sunk under your embrace
Wondering if I could jump in arms strong enough to break my fall

I drove by your place
Burned like the sinner I am
Remembering how you treated me
While hiding under the blanket that you named "god"
And I can not help but wonder if it was us or the timing

I told myself it was the right thing to do
Walking away
Walking and driving
And shouting profanity into the memories as if I could scare them away

You were supposed to have the last hands I would ever hold
The last body in my bed
The baby was supposed to be yours
And we were supposed to be living proof of happily ever after

That park sign
So dark and it's raining
Nothing like the moments we spent resting on it's land
And I started thinking that maybe dating would stop looking like cheap prostitution
Right before you cast me back to the streets
Right after getting off on my leg
And telling me that I was too dirty to be your first kiss

I read books between the cushions
And I screamed for it to stop
The pain of us ending
Was in the force of your body holding me against the bed
As you took the promises back that you gave me

Go back to church
Pretend like last night didn't happen
And maybe the music will drown out my screams
And I will fade back into the darkness
Back onto the streets

I never meant to love you

I was meant to love fiercely

When I met you I was drowning in an ocean of fear

When I left you it was an ocean of ice

My prayer if for a bright sun
A sharp burn to melt me
Fear is my chain

And some part of me still wishes to love like the earth were shaking

But the only thing shaking now
Is me