Comfortable

Treat me like an object
A material
Or a fine wine

Treat me like your favorite pet
Or a car that you will soon trade in

Treat me like anything...

But if you treat me like a human being
You will suddenly become foreign to me
The pain is like being awakened after a long sleep
Too much for me

Keep your distance
I have no time for uncomfortable feelings

Treat me like you half hearted-ly love me
Or get like me
And just come out and say that this is a weekend
Kind of thing

Feelings have no place on these sheets
Between you and me
And we have no place out in the world
Out of this bed
In public places
Like we care to hold hands
Or exchange adoring glances

That car was made for the road
And I was made for the bed

I'll be an object to you
Because it's everything I'm used too

Comfortable
Stay in my comfort zone

A Little Cliche

A master of disguise
An apparently contradiction
Well hidden

Everything that is different
And exactly the stereotype
Expected

Everything you weren't supposed to be
A little too much of everything
I've already seen

A New Beginning and Old Ending

It was beautiful
And painful

Everything that it should have been

I couldn't make the thoughts stop
Along with the tears

I remember everything

The past 9 years of being there
Always there for each other

Best friends

That white dress fit you perfectly
And lacing up your corset
One impossibly string at a time
Was the only place I wanted to be

It's the way God intended it to be
The joining in holy matrimony

And me
I'll go on
Visit on my holidays
Look at pictures of cook outs
In your new back yard
Wishing I was just as much a part of your life
As I was when we were 13

Knowing that we will always love
With the new beginnings and old endings

Playing

I may have always been too fragile
A stone wall crumbling from the inside out

Most of my life
It served me well
As a good game to play
A nice grown up substitute
For boardgames

I made my own rules to the game...
I know when to play
To fold
To get up and run like hell
When to smile because it was
Oh
Too
Simple
Begging like a child

Maybe the years stole my intuition
Or my looks
The way that I walked away
So seemingly unaffected

Age gave me a desire for more
But everyone's still playing

And it was all fun and games until I found someone
Who was just a little better than me

He should have met me 3 years ago
And things would have been different
I swear
This isn't just about my pride
This time it's about my life

I'm tired of playing
But everyone around me is knee deep in the game

Even from a thousand miles away
He found a way to hurt me

Should have kept my arms up
And my face down

Lifetime

They were right
It's a journey
And no one knows when or if it ends

Sometimes it's just the ride
The ride that keeps me going
Keeps me living
With my head out of window
And the music high

It's the thoughts that I don't think about
The ones that throw me out of the car
And taunt me to get back up

That's where the joy ride ends
And I begin
Where my sanity is questioned
My insecurities are wrapped up in pretty boxes
And left on my doorstep

I guess this is a lifetime worth of troubles
Worth of guessing
Praying
Hoping
Learning to love

Learning to live
Before we die

This is a lifetime

Desperate

I long for the joy of the Lord

Today it is far from me
Joy is in the distance
And I
But a human longing

I have prayed with all the tears that I can find
Cried with desperation
As if it were the last time in my life
I am thirsty in the desert
Hungry in a famine


I am so low that the ground is trying to comfort
So deep that the ocean water has filled my lungs
I am gasping
Deeply
With all the sincerity that I possess

The Word
Sits no where with me

I am questioning and left
With no answers
No peace

I am alone
And no one can find me
I am longing
Searching for purpose
Meaning
Something that once filled my life
Kept me alive
The only way I have ever been able to survive

And now I am a shell
A child who can not be consoled

I am choosing again
The difficulty lies in the day
The hour
The week
The months

Where God seems to be no where
And I've never searched so much in my life
I've never longed so much
Never been so sure of Who I need
And unable to find Him

I am weak
Where the joy of the Lord was once my strength

I am holding on
Dangling over a cliff
Saying over and over
"I believe"

This is where faith runs into a reality
That has fallen on me like ton of bricks
And every bone in my body is broken

Now I have to believe
With but memories
Of what it was to feel God near me

I have to believe that I am not forsaken in this desert
I was not left to die here

God has given promises to me
And I am holding on

Holding so tightly
Asking humbly
"Will I know peace, again?"