Monday, June 7, 2010


I long for the joy of the Lord

Today it is far from me
Joy is in the distance
And I
But a human longing

I have prayed with all the tears that I can find
Cried with desperation
As if it were the last time in my life
I am thirsty in the desert
Hungry in a famine

I am so low that the ground is trying to comfort
So deep that the ocean water has filled my lungs
I am gasping
With all the sincerity that I possess

The Word
Sits no where with me

I am questioning and left
With no answers
No peace

I am alone
And no one can find me
I am longing
Searching for purpose
Something that once filled my life
Kept me alive
The only way I have ever been able to survive

And now I am a shell
A child who can not be consoled

I am choosing again
The difficulty lies in the day
The hour
The week
The months

Where God seems to be no where
And I've never searched so much in my life
I've never longed so much
Never been so sure of Who I need
And unable to find Him

I am weak
Where the joy of the Lord was once my strength

I am holding on
Dangling over a cliff
Saying over and over
"I believe"

This is where faith runs into a reality
That has fallen on me like ton of bricks
And every bone in my body is broken

Now I have to believe
With but memories
Of what it was to feel God near me

I have to believe that I am not forsaken in this desert
I was not left to die here

God has given promises to me
And I am holding on

Holding so tightly
Asking humbly
"Will I know peace, again?"

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