Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Fool for You

There was a desire
For sweet words
In the form of cursive letters
Written to me
About all the things you love about me
With a calm affection
And a firm desire
To let me know
That it was only ever me
Only me

Now, I bleed your misery
And the lack of words
That you couldn't ever really give me
Sit with me
Like a rock
Crushing my ribs
And making my breaths
More difficult than they should be

I remember the first time you called me "baby"
It was like there was no one in the world
But the two of us
And the adolescent feelings of first love
Returned to me
Believing that I was broken
That I couldn't feel anything
They all came back to me
Like it was the first time
And my jaded heart
Was warm again

It was beautiful

Three moments after you talked about my picture, sitting on your desk and your daydreams about me... I felt my heart skip a beat and it hurt like coming back to feeling. Coming back to feeling... feeling... feeling you feeling me...

Out of sorts and adoring
All the things that love was meant to be

Older now
Than when you first saw me

Walking into that room like a foreign country
I wonder if you remember
The way my face looked
When I first look at you
With a sly curiosity

Was I just a warm body in the end?
A body to fill the void
Of a little boy
Who never had anyone to talk to

I believe
That this was the only thing I meant to you

It helps when the sun falls
And I remember sitting on my balcony
Speaking about things
From a heart
That longed to escape the shadows
Of abuse

And it starts to hurt

And now
When I think about missing you
I close my eyes
And do my best to remember
That I never meant anything to you
I was a warm body
Another girl
Who played the fool
For a broken heart

I was a fool for you

"Tomorrow I'll know if the silver in your eyes/Crossing down on your cheek/And tomorrow I'll know by the rubies in your voice/They've been calling your name to me lately/You have been one of them waiting/I have been one of them falling/Down below/so tell me you're always my only/Never look down mother maple/If I go/Never look down if I go"
The Pilgriming Vine
Basia Bulat

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