Oh Great God

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

Those words always hit me like a ton of bricks. Today I found myself having a tough time trusting God, and a tough time trusting myself. I was listening to "Small Enough" by Nicole Nordeman. I've been listening to this song almost half my life now (I feel old). This song has been my constant reminder every time that I've found myself sad and unsure, every time I just needed someone to love me... to hold me.

"oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now
there were times when i was crying
from the dark of daniel's den
and i have asked you once or twice
if you would part the sea again
but tonight i do not need a fiery pillar in the sky
just wanna know you're gonna hold me if i start to cry
oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now"

It's easy for me to think of God as big and great. It's easy for me to look up in the sky and know that He knows every star and every galaxy. Sometimes it is just hard for me to realize that the same God who holds the world in His hands has a special place in His heart just for me. As small and insignificant as my problems are, He cares. That thought is so much bigger and more inconceivable that the stars have ever been to me. It's hard for me to believe.
Today I found myself sitting on a bench in the middle of downtown Atlanta refusing to get up until I believed that. I didn't just want to believe, at that moment it seemed almost life and death that I grasp this concept down to the core of my being and find rest at His feet. No matter what I've had or how many of God creations I have worshiped instead of Him... no one ever really cared about me the way I am supposed to be cared for and I'm starting to think that no one ever can. I can't help but think that God knew that when He was creating the world and He knew that He could only ever be the one for me.

It's comforting to know that God doesn't need me, but He wants me.