Monday, September 21, 2009

It's Alright

I closed my eyes every night
To listen to your voice in my head
The only place that it still lived

I tried so hard not to forget you
Until one night I let you slip away
I forgot to remember you
Forgot to let you out of your cage
To live in my mind

Every boy after you
Just made me miss you more
And the only time I hated you
Was when
For one second
I thought that if you had stayed with me
No one else could have ever touched me

I'm sorry
Sorry that I blamed you for even a second
For what happened to me

You were too pure
You were too perfect
Too much of everything I ever wanted
And I can never hate you
I can never wish anything more
Than that God had spared you
From yourself

I'm sorry that I wasn't enough to keep you around
I couldn't bring you back to earth

I wish you could see my life now
I wish you could be proud
That I'm not so sad anymore
I'm not so young anymore

I am slightly more jaded
But close enough to earth that I can feel a heart beat
Close enough
That people move me

I was too young to know better
To love you better

I could have been more

But that wasn't the beginning
Of feeling like I couldn't do anything

It just sat there in the back of my mind
And sometimes at night
I could feel you hold my hand
And things didn't seem so lonely

I could feel you kiss my bruises that others inflicted on me
I could feel you cry over the cuts that I put all over me

I could feel you

But it was never enough
Because the second I turned around you were gone

Always gone

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

This is so beautifully sad, Catie my love. I love that you are posting poems again. It helps me feel close to you even though I'm far away.