Sunday, September 7, 2008

Letting Go

I feel like I have so many things to say. I first thought to put them into a poem, and then I thought about keeping them to myself. Now, I feel like I just need to talk it out, even if I'm actually just typing it to a computer screen because I'm just that cool.

Well, confusion has set in and made a home for itself in my heart. I know that God is not the author of confusion, so in other words I know this isn't from God.

My first confusing issue is when is it time to give up on someone. That sounds like a terrible thing, but we do it all the time. I'm so adamant about having boundaries in relationships. However, I've found that sometimes my heart gets in the way of my brain and things don't go how I planned. For instance, I feel like I can see through people relatively well. So, even if someone is a complete jerk I can still see a good heart. Now the problem arises when I don't know whether to leave because that person's a jerk or stay because they have a good heart. I've always believed through all my experiences that we all have things to learn from people. I've learned something from everyone who's ever been in my life. Some of the experiences were bad, and other were very good but I learned something either way. So, what do I do when it's a bad and good situation. Do I leave because it's bad and accept that I've learned all I can from this person, or do I stay because I truly see great potential and things that I still feel like I need to share with them. And who knows? Maybe I've already shared everything I can and I just need to step aside and realize that I can share, but I can't make anyone take it to heart.

It's just so complex. I just know that there are some people in my life who need to change or leave, because it's slowly turning into a bad situation and it's just not good for my heart. I just feel like some people still need me, whether it's my advice, or because I can show them love, or just to crash on my couch. However, I've recently discovered that maybe the reason I stay through so much with people is because I need to be needed more so than they actually need me. This is a hard one for me to swallow. I know that at the end of the day everyone does what they want, but I also know that every now and again a callused heart with open up and if I can just catch that window I could really help someone realize how great they were intended to be. I just don't really know what to do.

So, if anyone has any advice... feel free to share.

1 comment:

oh amanda said...

No advice, Cate. But it seems like when you have an inkling of something you *might* need to do. You usually do...