Fear

Noticing everything
Holding on so tightly
That not a moment
Or a breath
Can possibly slip past me
And If I take it all in
Do I die with no regrets
Or even become immortal
With my mark on everything I saw
Just controlling enough
To fear what they will say at my funeral
Just deceptive enough
To wonder what lies will come undone
Over casket gossip
And who will ever know the truth
If I'm not there to orchestrate the distance
And I've overestimated my importance
Embracing fears as I run through life
Like they are charms on my bracelet
And I can hardly hold my arm up anymore
Just promise me that it's true
Let me know I won't just disappear
That there's somewhere else for me to go
That people in heaven will talk to me
That someone will hold me
And I won't cry like I do here
I just need reassurance
Or insurance
I just need to know
But the only thing I do know
Is that only death will give me any answers
So I will just have to wonder until then

I pray that the Lord take me into His arms one day. I pray that I never miss a moment. I pray that I don't have to be enough, because that's the only thing I can't seem to be.