Thursday, December 4, 2008

Do I ask too much?

I hate the way that you make it so hard to love you. As if my insufficiency is not screaming loud enough, you scream with it. It does not help that it's already so hard for me. I'm the only one left who doesn't have anyone. I was that girl. Don't you remember? I had it all. I had the personality and the looks and the confidence to be anything and everything that I wanted to be, and the world working the way it does I'm sitting in last place right now. So don't keep pushing me down. My face is already on the ground. It's just one more reason that nothing ever works. One more reason that I shouldn't try because you make sure that I always know just how bad I fail. Then we all wonder why I continue to go back. It's because everyday you remind me that I have nothing to move towards. Is it so bad to want to be loved? or to want forgiveness without your snide reminders being hurled my way as if the blows could just be walked off. I would leave. I would draw my lines and walk away, but the same way that you throw insults at me... that would be the final blow. Some days I just wish you could let me go.

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