Healing

I remember

The way you made me feel
When you were not around
How you controlled my actions
When you were no where to be found

I allowed every look
To pierce my soul
Throwing me to the ground
Begging for air
Crawling... on the floor

I gave you more power in my own head
Than you ever took from my body
I hated you enough to make you the center of my life
An all consuming gravity

I dragged on that journey
I hated everyone
For what you did to me
I was so self absorbed
That you melted right into me



It was the most painful process of my life
But it was the best thing I ever did for myself
Facing you
My favorite demon to hate
And then realizing you were not enough
To keep me living

I had to seek peace

In the Almighty
Everlasting
The only One who could ever reach straight through me
And know my soul
The only One who never let go
Never hurt me
Never deserted me
He didn't leave me for the prom queen

He simple loved me
And taught me to breathe
Whether that be standing
Or once again crawling
On the floor

I traded in my idol
Mashed you to the floor
And God swept you up
And gave me more than I ever dared to hope for