The past 6 days, what a classic example of my need to overcompensate for how sad I am. Keep busy, stay longer, talk more, and maybe I won't be lonely anymore. I don't trust the way I feel, and I loathe my negative emotions. How irrational? So then I get to loathe myself for feeling. What a viscous cycle?
I still have a hard time telling God that I get sad. I hesitate to tell Him how angry I am that I let myself get used... again. I talk a lot of crap for someone who doesn't do anything. "It's all in my head. It's all in my head." I'll keep saying it. Never doubt the power of denial. For six days we've been realizing why we used to be best friends. Rekindling a relationship... nothing wrong with it?
Oh but best of all, don't forget the lies. Oh the lies I tell to protect the things I won't. I didn't come this far to let you get to know me... just because you asked.
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When all around has fallen
your castle has been burned
You used to be a king here
Now no one knows your name
You live your life for honor
Defender of the faith
But you've been crushed to pieces
And no one knows your pain
Come, come, lay your weary head
Be still my friend
Come, rise, I'll place my sword upon your shoulder
Come, rise, with me
When tomorrow has been stolen
And you can't lift your head
And summer feels like winter
Your heart is full of stone
Though all your hopes have fallen
Your skin is now your only armour
Wear your scars like medals
Defender of the faith
Come, come, lay your weary head
Be still my friend
Come, rise, I'll place my sword upon your shoulder
Come, come, lay your weary head
Be still my friend
Come, rise with me
(Delirious)
Catie, you have no idea how much God exults over you. Fall into the loving embrace of One who knows it all and yet says with passion: "I love you just the way you are".
Now rise, Mighty Warrior! Do not let the lies of the deceiver fool you. "Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died-more than that, who was raised to life-is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Therefore let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience."
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