I loved You

I loved you

The way I was afraid that I would 

The kind you get lost in, drowns you

Digs up bits and pieces I never knew were there

I loved you

Between the floor boards

And wood and bricks and sand 

And a world I always wanted

I wasn’t prepared

I was afraid of this love

Since the first time I lost myself 

Never really to be found again

I didn’t know all the things that can come to the surface

All the holes I’d dug in my heart

And left uncovered

I loved you

And that love made the holes look much deeper

I tried to put your love into them

Swore this would make me whole

You did not fit

And I blamed you for not being

What you were never meant to be

But my love left me exposed

Showed me just how many people left their belongings in my life

Took bits and pieces of me and left memories for the lonely nights

Made me more fragile than I wanted to admit

More afraid 

I loved you

Almost as much as I loved feeling strong

Being  untouchable is a drug of its own

And much more appealing

Than the vulnerability that sprang up inside of me

You were supposed to fix me

I needed your love to fix me

Too grown for my own good

More naive than I meant to be

I left your love 

For a sunshine

That was burning me 

But looked much like the biggest hole inside of me

Maybe this love will fit the hole… 

Maybe the next love won’t hurt so bad…

Maybe my eyes are just opening to broken things

That can not be fixed

Maybe in this world

The hardest part is learning

Some pains we just have to life with