Friday, January 15, 2016

I loved You

I loved you
The way I was afraid that I would 
The kind you get lost in, drowns you
Digs up bits and pieces I never knew were there

I loved you
Between the floor boards
And wood and bricks and sand 
And a world I always wanted

I wasn’t prepared

I was afraid of this love
Since the first time I lost myself 
Never really to be found again

I didn’t know all the things that can come to the surface
All the holes I’d dug in my heart
And left uncovered

I loved you
And that love made the holes look much deeper
I tried to put your love into them
Swore this would make me whole

You did not fit
And I blamed you for not being
What you were never meant to be

But my love left me exposed
Showed me just how many people left their belongings in my life
Took bits and pieces of me and left memories for the lonely nights
Made me more fragile than I wanted to admit
More afraid 

I loved you
Almost as much as I loved feeling strong
Being  untouchable is a drug of its own
And much more appealing
Than the vulnerability that sprang up inside of me

You were supposed to fix me
I needed your love to fix me

Too grown for my own good
More naive than I meant to be

I left your love 
For a sunshine
That was burning me 
But looked much like the biggest hole inside of me

Maybe this love will fit the hole… 

Maybe the next love won’t hurt so bad…

Maybe my eyes are just opening to broken things
That can not be fixed

Maybe in this world
The hardest part is learning
Some pains we just have to life with

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