Remember

I have to remember to look at you

As a person
And less of a window

Now and not three years ago

I'm going to remember to look at you

To see your skin as your own and not next to mine
Not on a child with half of your chromosomes and the paleness of mine

I'll try not to be disillusioned by the feel of your hands

I'm going to look at you
To look at you
I'm looking at you
And not through you...

Not following the strings of all the ways I've known you right into the past

Where everything smells of baby powder, and lonliness, and freightening new dreams

I am telling myself that if I love you it's for the flesh in front of me
Not for being half of the love of my life...
I grab your flesh to remind myself that you are human and flesh and now

I remember
I remember your eyes
Only because I prepared myself to look at them everyday
To send them to preschool
To send them to daycare
To rock them to sleep
I remember your eyes