Conscious

Tossed back and forth between my hands
I juggled the thought halfheartedly
Half keeping my distance

Partly rolling around in my brain
And mostly laying on the floor trying to breathe again


I was supposed to move on
Wake up and decide to be done
With little to no pain

This was supposed to be a minimally invasive procedure


I stayed too long...

I like pain
It's an old friend and oddly comforting like a blanket
... in reverse

And I'm pulling away
Slowly or quickly
Whichever feels right


... I'm moving on
One conscious decision at a time

There's nothing natural about this feeling