Conscious

Tossed back and forth between my hands
I juggled the thought halfheartedly
Half keeping my distance

Partly rolling around in my brain
And mostly laying on the floor trying to breathe again


I was supposed to move on
Wake up and decide to be done
With little to no pain

This was supposed to be a minimally invasive procedure


I stayed too long...

I like pain
It's an old friend and oddly comforting like a blanket
... in reverse

And I'm pulling away
Slowly or quickly
Whichever feels right


... I'm moving on
One conscious decision at a time

There's nothing natural about this feeling

Natural Disaster

The ground would shake beneath us

Much like earthquakes we shake
Live on fault lines
Standing between revealing everything
And keeping just enough secret to cause a tremor when we speak

I knew that your love would be bigger than me
Bigger than my will
Larger than my abilities

Only your love
The size of quaking catastrophes
Could tear down my walls
And at the end of the day
I lived knowing that
God knew only an earthquake would shake me

We'll live like tornadoes
And love like tsunamis
We'll care like floods
And in the end

We'll always make a way
We'll always Believe



It will be worth it, only when I know that I would be better with you than I ever was without. We will love more, live more, care more, and do more. I've been living afraid of giving up my dreams....

But your my dream.

My dream.

The Things I Hate

You're like an ocean
I can't breathe in your presence
And if I were ever under you
I would surely die

We're Communists
We look great on paper
But we don't actually work...

Just another bad idea


And I've been kicking it with Amy since I was 17 and I wish we weren't so much the same but "I'll be some next man's other woman too"...

I've been drawing this out with other people's lyrics
With mistakes that I've already made
But at least I know how it ends
I've been waiting to get angry enough to want something different
To love enough to know that I deserve more
To care enough to shatter into a million pieces
And lay knowing that's where I belong

...


I've been painting my life with green dreams
And purple promises
Breaking
Looking much like what I said I did not want
But am too afraid to hope for... more
I want more

I'm taking these moments in strides
I'm refusing to wish my life away
And from the outside
This is my dream
And I'm living it
Selfishly

I guess I'm still too young to realize that time is a gift
Not a right of birth



I used to hear Your voice in sirens
See You in street lights

I used to find You in broken lives and beautiful faces
I found meaning in Your arms
And hope in promises
That for the first time in my life
I knew would never be broken

Your voice was in whispers and screams

And I swore I would never look for You again
At the bottom of my own bottles of truth serum
At the end of joints
In the silence between my sarcasm

Why do I do the things I hate...