Finding Myself

I'm delusional in the morning
And late at night
So considering the little time I sleep
I get about 10 hours of sound mind a day
Cutting my life almost in a third
Of what I could possibly know
And of those 10 hours a day
I spend at least five
Trying to tell myself that tomorrow
I'm going to be alright
And in between a walk and a song
I've found myself before
So after brushing my teeth in the morning
I sing a song
That only serves to remind me
How far gone I really am
So I walk for awhile
Wishing I could be in my own skin
Once again
And see
Everything
And if wrecklessness manifested once in me
As a sense of being carefree
Than I'm almost willing to do it again
Because the only choices I perceive are
A fear free life of hopeless abandon
Or an aware life of endless terror
And neither appeal to me anymore
... but I don't want to die