Saturday, August 9, 2008

Cast Out

Did I ever tell you how much I love you
Did I ever let you know
That you were my hero
When the world was new
And I had yet to grow into my fingers and toes
Everything I knew was you two
The lighthouses on the ocean that I was about to set sail on

I thought you were perfect
I wanted to follow every step you took
And mimic every move you made

It was if everything good in the world
Was in your eyes
And all I did was look at them all day

But time caught me sooner than you thought
I just wasn't your little girl anymore
And I saw your mistakes for the first time
But don't think that I ever thought anything less of you

But you changed towards me
You covered up and became ashamed of what I could see
As if you resented me for knowing the truth
And I wish I could tell you how much I love you

As heartless as I can be
It never stops stinging when you get angry at me

I've tried to count the times I've failed you
Keeping a tally in my head
But I lost count long ago
And I wondered when you would realize
How hard it has been for me to grow

And the new sets of baby fingers and toes
Are you're new blind objects of affection
But my love never changed
And I've told myself over and over again
That you love me unconditional it's just hard for you to show

But through everything
I never thought that our paths would bring us here
With nothing to show for a 19 year relationship
As if whatever number time this is that I've failed
It's the end of grace
And I was never forewarned

I just wish that you would tell me I've done something right on this road
That maybe it's your scars
That cast me out in the cold

1 comment:

Bonnie said...

That is a beautiful poem--so very heartfelt. Time can heal all things, as long as one person is willing to forgive. It doesn't happen quickly--the process can take years, but is worth it. I remember clearly the day I realized my parents were just people who hurt and were struggling with their own issues. On that day, I forgave my dad for many things and became more of the adult than he was. It is still not how I "dreamed" it should be--but the relationship is ok and I took those "dreams" of how a family should be into my own family as the mom. Forgiveness is the key.