Halloween

It's the onto night of the year that everyone's in my costume but me 

I've mourned more than one life that night 

Caught the wind of what could have been 

And when they walked in on me I deflected off the masks 

Told them that like everyone else tonight 

I am pretending 

Myself

I hid my flaws under furniture
And I hoped you would move in before you found them

I painted the pictures on our walls
I called them my life
And asked you only to see the brightness

I took myself
Covered the little girl with makeup
And I put my bet on the fact that you'd never wonder why I don't take it off

I called myself Christian and pagen in the same sentence
And I knew you were too in love to point it out

I've known lovers
And future husbands but they never embody the same person

I put myself on opposite sides of the room
And let you think you were insane when you wondered
Why you can ever seem to hold all of me

I am too old for my age
I'm too young for my life

I've made people pick teams and play tug of war with my arms
And then sat around
In the middle of the night wondering why I'm almost in two perfect halves
And for all of my accomplishments
I don't who I'm becoming

I lost myself in planning for the next thing

Diamond

I wish I'd known the weight of a diamond 

The distraction of the way it winks at me so flirtatiously as I go about my day 

I wish I'd known the cost of a different life 

A love 

14 grams of gold and I've been walking sideways 

And Im too young to be so tired 

Too smart to give away my time 

Too selfish to have a love of my life 

And too dumb to understand 

The weight of a diamond